Jason Wilson Reveals What’s Really Happening to Modern Male Youth
About Jason Wilson: Jason Wilson has dedicated his career to understanding and addressing the challenges facing boys and young men in America. As founder of the Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy, he’s worked hands-on with thousands of young males, witnessing firsthand the struggles they face. His unique combination of martial arts mastery, emotional intelligence training, and trauma-informed mentoring has made him a sought-after expert on male youth development. His insights have been featured in documentaries, national media, and his powerful Instagram presence. Learn more about his transformative work at mrjasonwilson.com.
In a candid discussion on the Mel Robbins Podcast, Jason Wilson addressed a question troubling millions of parents: “Why is my son struggling to launch into adulthood?” His answer reveals a crisis that goes far deeper than laziness or entitlement.
The Unprecedented Pressure on Modern Boys
Today’s boys face challenges that previous generations never encountered. Wilson identifies several converging pressures creating what he calls an epidemic of anxiety, apathy, and fear of failure among young males.
First, young men lack mentors. Previous generations had elder males who taught them how to navigate manhood—uncles who took them to work, coaches who invested beyond the game, fathers who were present both physically and emotionally. Today’s young men often enter adulthood having never experienced sustained mentoring from older males.
This mentorship void leaves boys trying to figure out masculinity without guides. They receive messages to “be a man” from every direction but have no one faithfully showing them how. The result is profound confusion, self-doubt, and discouragement—all masked by the bravado society demands of them.
Second, boys today experience more pressure than previous generations faced at the same age. This isn’t hyperbole or generational coddling—it’s reality. Social media creates constant comparison and judgment. Academic expectations have intensified. Economic prospects have dimmed relative to their parents’ generation. The pathway from school to stable adulthood has become increasingly unclear and precarious.
When adults dismiss young men’s struggles with phrases like “Wait until you get a real job” or “You don’t know what real pressure is,” they create walls rather than bridges. What feels big to these young men should feel mammoth to those who care about them. Dismissing their reality guarantees isolation.
The Gaming and Disengagement Phenomenon
Many parents express frustration about sons who spend excessive time gaming, sleeping, or pursuing hobbies that don’t generate income. Wilson offers a compassionate reframe of these behaviors: they’re not avoiding life—they’re seeking wins where they can find them.
In video games, young men experience clear objectives, achievable goals, skill progression, and recognition for accomplishment. The game provides what the world often doesn’t: a sense of competence, purpose, and success. When you feel lost and unsuccessful in the “real world,” games offer a space where you matter and can demonstrate mastery.
This isn’t pathological—it’s logical. Young men are doing what all humans do: seeking environments where they experience efficacy and value. The problem isn’t that games provide these experiences but that the real world doesn’t.
Similarly, extended sleep or disengagement from traditional productivity isn’t inherent laziness. It’s often depression, anxiety, or the exhaustion that comes from constantly feeling inadequate. When you believe you can’t succeed no matter what you do, withdrawal becomes a form of self-protection.
Parents and mentors who want to help must first understand these behaviors as symptoms rather than problems in themselves. Address the underlying issues—lack of direction, absence of mentorship, crushing self-doubt, unhealed trauma—and the surface behaviors often resolve naturally.
The Extreme Fear of Failure
Wilson identifies extreme fear of failure as one of the defining characteristics of modern young men. This fear isn’t about normal performance anxiety but paralyzing terror that prevents even attempting challenges.
This fear develops from multiple sources. Many boys grew up in homes where mistakes were met with harsh criticism rather than guided learning. They internalized the message that failure reveals fundamental inadequacy rather than providing information for growth.
Social media amplifies this fear by creating permanent records of mistakes and instant, often cruel public commentary. Previous generations could fail privately or within small communities. Today’s young men know that failure might be screenshot, shared, and immortalized online.
Additionally, many boys absorbed their parents’ economic anxiety and understand that the margin for error has shrunk dramatically. Their fathers’ generation could recover from mistakes, change careers, or take risks. Today’s economy feels less forgiving, and young men perceive (often correctly) that missteps carry heavier consequences.
The tragic irony is that this fear of failure creates the very outcome it seeks to avoid. Young men become so paralyzed by the possibility of failure that they don’t develop skills, take risks, or pursue goals—guaranteeing they won’t achieve the success they desperately want.
The Longing to Be Loved
Beneath the bravado and disengagement, Wilson observes that boys are longing to be loved—not only by their mothers but also by their fathers. This longing for paternal affection and approval drives more behavior than most people recognize.
Boys need their fathers to see them, affirm them, challenge them without condemning them, and train them in comprehensive manhood. They need fathers to model how to be strong yet tender, confident yet humble, achieving yet present. They need the balance only mature male guidance can provide.
When this fathering is absent—either because fathers are physically absent or emotionally unavailable—boys often become stuck. They may become either too aggressive (trying to prove masculinity without guidance) or too passive (giving up on masculinity entirely). Neither extreme serves them well.
Mothers cannot fill this role, no matter how devoted or capable. Wilson emphasizes that he’s a man’s man who teaches emotional development, yet even he recognizes he’s not enough for his own son. Boys need multiple male influences providing different aspects of masculine modeling.
This doesn’t diminish mothers’ importance—maternal love and guidance are essential. But boys have specific developmental needs that require male mentorship to address effectively. Recognizing this isn’t sexist; it’s realistic about human psychology and development.
The Academic Performance Connection
One of Wilson’s most remarkable findings concerns academic performance. At Cave of Adullam, over 78% of students improve their grade point average by at least one letter grade without any academic tutoring. This improvement comes solely from emotional work—giving boys space to express heaviness, teaching them cause-and-effect awareness, and helping them regulate emotions.
This statistic reveals something crucial: many boys’ academic struggles aren’t primarily intellectual. They’re emotional and psychological. A boy carrying unprocessed grief, trauma, or anxiety cannot focus on algebra or literature. His cognitive resources are consumed by internal battles.
When given permission and frameworks to address these internal struggles, cognitive capacity is freed for learning. The same brain that couldn’t focus on homework suddenly becomes engaged and capable. The transformation isn’t about intelligence—it’s about removing emotional barriers to learning.
This finding suggests that much of what gets diagnosed as ADHD, learning disabilities, or lack of motivation may actually be unaddressed emotional distress. Wilson has videos of students who couldn’t sit still for two minutes transforming after learning to breathe properly and talk about their troubles.
Parents and educators who want to help struggling boys must look beneath academic symptoms to emotional causes. Tutoring might help a boy who understands concepts but makes careless errors. But it won’t help a boy whose mind is elsewhere, consumed by anxiety, grief, or trauma that has no outlet.
The Autism and Disability Dimension
Wilson addresses another challenge facing families: parenting boys with autism spectrum disorders or other disabilities. He shares the story of a friend whose son struggles with basic tasks like brushing teeth—challenges that might seem trivial to others but break a father’s heart.
These fathers often face double isolation. They carry the normal weight of male conditioning that says they must be strong and handle everything. On top of that, they carry extraordinary caregiving demands that few people understand or acknowledge. They go to work crying every day, yet no one knows the heaviness they bear.
Society provides little space for these fathers to express struggle without feeling like they’re complaining or being weak. Yet they need support, understanding, and connection perhaps more than any other group. Their sons need intensive, patient guidance that exhausts even the most devoted parent.
Wilson’s point is that what’s considered “big challenges” varies enormously. The father struggling with a child with special needs faces pressures that merit recognition and support, not dismissal. Creating space for these men to share their experiences without judgment could prevent the isolation that leads to crisis.
The Role of Childhood Trauma
Running through all these challenges is often the thread of childhood trauma—either in the young man’s life or unhealed trauma in his parents that affects parenting. Wilson speaks openly about intergenerational trauma in his own family, beginning with his grandfather’s lynching in 1936.
Trauma that’s never processed doesn’t disappear; it travels across generations, shaping how parents relate to children and how children experience the world. A mother who experienced abandonment may struggle with healthy attachment to her son. A father who never received affection from his own father may not know how to provide it.
Many young men struggling to launch carry trauma from childhood experiences: bullying, loss of loved ones, witnessing domestic violence, parents’ divorce, or the absence of emotional safety at home. This trauma wasn’t their fault and often wasn’t even recognized as traumatic at the time. But it shapes their psychology and behavior profoundly.
Healing this trauma requires professional support in many cases. Parents cannot therapy their own children, but they can create conditions where healing becomes possible: acknowledging past difficulties, validating feelings, seeking family therapy, and modeling their own healing work.
What Parents Can Do Differently
Wilson offers concrete guidance for parents worried about sons who seem stuck. His recommendations challenge conventional approaches while honoring both masculine psychology and developmental needs.
Stop comparing their challenges to yours. Your experience of young adulthood occurred in a different economic, social, and technological context. What worked for you won’t necessarily work for them. Recognize that their challenges are real even if different from what you faced.
Find male mentors. If the father is too busy providing financially, identify uncles, cousins, coaches, or family friends who can invest time. Wilson suggests literally paying men to include your son in their work if necessary. The investment in male mentoring pays dividends that far exceed the cost.
Practice presence over perfection. Stop worrying about whether you’re doing everything right and focus on being consistently present. Show up to your son’s room and simply be there. Take walks together without agenda. Let your physical presence communicate that he matters regardless of his performance or productivity.
Validate the difficulty without rescuing. Acknowledge that their generation faces real challenges while maintaining expectation that they’ll find ways forward. This balance communicates both compassion and confidence in their capability.
Ask the crucial question: What could you live with? Could you live with receiving a terrible phone call, or could you live with stretching yourself uncomfortably to connect with your son? This question clarifies priorities and generates motivation when the work feels hard.
Address your own unhealed wounds. Your son doesn’t need a perfect parent, but he needs a parent actively working on their own healing. Model the journey toward comprehensive emotional health rather than pretending you have everything figured out.
The Importance of Rites of Passage
Wilson emphasizes that modern culture lacks meaningful rites of passage from boyhood to manhood. Previous generations had military service, apprenticeships, or clear transitions that marked becoming a man. Today’s young men often drift from adolescence into their twenties without clear markers or recognition of maturity.
Families and communities must create intentional rites of passage. This might mean planned father-son trips at age eighteen, formal recognition ceremonies, or enrollment in intensive experiences like men’s retreats that explicitly focus on transition to adulthood.
These rites don’t need to be elaborate, but they need to be intentional. They communicate: “You’ve crossed a threshold. We see you as a man now. Here’s what that means and requires.” Without such markers, young men remain in an ambiguous state, never quite sure if they’ve arrived at manhood.
The Economic Dimension
While Wilson focuses primarily on emotional and relational factors, the economic context cannot be ignored. Young men today enter an economy where traditional markers of adult success—homeownership, financial independence, stable career—arrive much later than they did for previous generations.
This economic reality intersects with identity development. When young men cannot achieve traditional masculine roles (provider, property owner, financially independent), they often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and failure. Their “failure to launch” may partially reflect genuine economic barriers rather than pure personal failing.
Addressing this requires both personal development (building skills, emotional resilience, adaptability) and realistic acknowledgment of structural challenges. Young men need permission to define success in ways that fit current reality rather than measuring themselves against economic standards from different eras.
Parents can help by discussing money openly, sharing their own financial challenges honestly, and helping sons develop realistic plans that account for current economic conditions rather than assumptions from past decades.
The Technology Challenge
Technology presents unique challenges for young men’s development. While previous generations had limited entertainment options that naturally drove them toward diverse activities and social interaction, today’s young men can meet most psychological needs without leaving their rooms.
Social connection happens online. Entertainment is infinite and immediately accessible. Even the pursuit of competence and mastery finds expression through digital platforms. This accessibility of virtual satisfaction reduces motivation to engage the harder, messier, but ultimately more rewarding challenges of physical world relationships and achievements.
Parents must recognize that simply removing technology doesn’t solve the problem if they don’t address what technology was providing. Before restricting games or screens, create alternative pathways for young men to experience competence, connection, achievement, and purpose.
This might mean enrolling in martial arts programs like Cave of Adullam, joining sports leagues, participating in service projects, learning trades, or engaging in music or art. The key is finding avenues where young men experience themselves as capable and valued in embodied, real-world contexts.
The Path Forward for Young Men
Wilson’s message to struggling young men emphasizes that they’re not inherently broken or lazy. They’re responding logically to unprecedented pressures while lacking resources previous generations had. The solution isn’t to shame them into productivity but to provide missing elements: mentorship, emotional tools, recognition, purpose, and community.
Young men need to hear they’re good enough as they are while also being challenged to grow. They need affirmation of inherent worth combined with inspiration toward becoming comprehensive men. They need both rest and purposeful challenge, both belonging and independence, both acceptance and high expectations.
Most importantly, they need to know they’re not alone. Every young man struggling feels isolated, convinced he’s the only one who can’t figure out adult life. Creating spaces where young men discover their common struggles immediately reduces shame and opens pathways forward.
Wilson’s Cave of Adullam provides one model, but the principle extends broadly: young men need communities of males where comprehensive masculinity is modeled, emotional work is normalized, and each person is known and valued beyond their performance.
Practical Next Steps for Concerned Parents
For parents reading this with sons who seem stuck, Wilson would encourage these immediate actions:
Start conversations differently. Stop asking “What’s wrong?” or “Why aren’t you [applying to jobs/going to school/moving out]?” Instead try: “I’ve been thinking about the pressures your generation faces. Would you be willing to help me understand your experience?”
Share this content. Send your son content from Wilson’s Instagram or the podcast episode. Let him discover someone speaking to male experience without feeling ambushed by parental concern.
Invest in intensive experiences. Research men’s retreats, wilderness programs, martial arts academies, or therapy specifically designed for young men. The investment often creates breakthroughs that years of nagging never achieve.
Build male community around him. Actively facilitate connections between your son and trustworthy older men. Don’t wait for these relationships to happen organically—engineer opportunities and environments where they can develop.
Model the work. If you’re a father, let your son see you doing emotional work, attending men’s groups, reading books about masculinity, and practicing vulnerability. This modeling often communicates more powerfully than any words about what manhood can encompass.
Extend grace to yourself. Parenting young men through this cultural moment is unprecedented territory. You won’t get everything right. What matters is showing up consistently with love and willingness to learn alongside your son.
The crisis facing young men is real, complex, and urgent. But it’s not hopeless. With understanding, support, and appropriate resources, young men can move from stuck to launching—not into a mythical perfect adulthood, but into authentic, comprehensive masculinity that honors both strength and humanity.
For more insights on supporting young men, watch Jason Wilson’s complete conversation on the Mel Robbins Podcast or explore resources at mrjasonwilson.com.