Anxiety has become the defining condition of modern life. According to recent statistics, over 40 million American adults struggle with anxiety disorders, yet the conventional approach to managing anxiety often falls short. In his groundbreaking book Building a Non-Anxious Life, Dr. John Delony presents a revolutionary framework that shifts the conversation from merely managing anxiety to eliminating it through intentional daily choices.
Dr. Delony, a mental health expert and host of The Dr. John Delony Show, argues that anxiety isn’t just something we need to cope with—it’s something we can actively overcome by making six critical daily choices. The first and most fundamental of these choices is choosing reality.
Understanding the Choice to Face Reality
Choosing reality means acknowledging what is actually true rather than living in denial, delusion, or distraction. In Building a Non-Anxious Life, Dr. John Delony explains that one of the primary drivers of chronic anxiety is our refusal to accept the circumstances, relationships, and situations that exist in our lives right now.
When we avoid reality, we create a gap between the world as it is and the world as we wish it to be. This gap becomes a breeding ground for anxiety, as our minds constantly work to reconcile these two competing versions of existence. The cognitive dissonance created by this avoidance triggers our body’s alarm systems, keeping us in a perpetual state of stress and overwhelm.
The Cost of Avoiding Truth
Dr. Delony shares in his book that he spent years making “idiotic, self-sabotaging choices” because he wasn’t willing to face the reality of his situation. He was reckless with borrowing, avoided difficult conversations, and pretended everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t. This pattern of avoidance didn’t protect him from pain—it amplified his anxiety and kept him trapped in destructive cycles.
The uncomfortable truth is that avoiding reality doesn’t make problems disappear. Instead, unacknowledged problems grow larger, more complex, and more anxiety-inducing over time. Whether it’s a failing relationship, mounting debt, deteriorating health, or career dissatisfaction, pretending these issues don’t exist only guarantees they’ll eventually demand our attention in more painful ways.
How Anxiety Hijacks Your Brain
To understand why choosing reality is so powerful, we need to understand how anxiety works in the brain. Dr. Delony explains that anxiety alarms are connected to the parts of our brain that filter and direct our attention and decision-making. When we live in denial, our brain recognizes the disconnect between our perception and reality, triggering alarm after alarm.
One part of your brain sounds the anxiety alarm while another part tries desperately to quiet it down. This internal battle creates exhaustion, confusion, and that familiar feeling of being overwhelmed. You know something is wrong, but you can’t quite identify what it is because you’re actively avoiding looking at it directly.
The solution isn’t to become better at suppressing these alarms—it’s to address their root cause by facing reality head-on.
Practical Steps to Choose Reality Every Day
1. Name What Is Actually True
Start each day by asking yourself: “What is actually true about my life right now?” Not what you wish were true, not what used to be true, not what might be true someday—but what is demonstrably true today.
Write down the facts without judgment or interpretation:
- “I have $8,000 in credit card debt”
- “My marriage feels distant and disconnected”
- “I haven’t exercised in six months”
- “I’m deeply unhappy at my job”
Dr. Delony emphasizes that this exercise isn’t about beating yourself up or catastrophizing. It’s about creating an accurate inventory of your current circumstances so you can make informed decisions about where to go from here.
2. Stop Explaining Away Red Flags
We’re experts at rationalizing warning signs. “They’re just stressed at work.” “This is temporary.” “It’s not that bad.” While optimism and grace have their place, chronic excuse-making keeps us stuck in situations that fuel our anxiety.
Choosing reality means acknowledging red flags for what they are—signals that something needs attention. Dr. Delony writes that frustratingly, while one part of your brain is busy sounding alarms, another part kicks into action to quiet them down. Break this cycle by respecting the warning signs your body and intuition send you.
3. Distinguish Between Facts and Stories
Our minds are story-making machines. We don’t just observe events—we interpret them, assign meaning to them, and create narratives around them. The problem arises when we confuse our stories with objective reality.
For example:
- Fact: “My boss didn’t respond to my email.”
- Story: “My boss is angry with me and I’m probably going to get fired.”
Dr. Delony teaches that anxiety thrives in the gap between facts and stories. Choosing reality means constantly asking yourself: “What do I actually know to be true versus what story am I telling myself?”
4. Get Comfortable with Discomfort
Facing reality often feels worse in the short term than staying in denial. Looking at your bank account, having that difficult conversation, or acknowledging that a relationship isn’t working—these actions require courage because they force us to confront uncomfortable truths.
But as Dr. Delony emphasizes throughout Building a Non-Anxious Life, the discomfort of facing reality is temporary, while the anxiety of avoidance is chronic. The initial pain of truth-telling gives way to clarity, which enables action, which ultimately reduces anxiety.
5. Take One Reality-Based Action Daily
Choosing reality isn’t just about acknowledgment—it’s about action. Once you’ve identified what’s true, take one concrete step based on that truth:
- If you’re in debt, create a budget
- If a relationship is struggling, initiate an honest conversation
- If your health is declining, schedule a doctor’s appointment
- If you’re unhappy at work, update your resume
Dr. Delony writes that we are responsible for the choices we make about our lives. Every small action rooted in reality builds momentum toward a non-anxious life.
The Ripple Effects of Choosing Reality
When you commit to choosing reality consistently, several transformative changes occur:
Mental Clarity Increases: The fog of denial lifts, allowing you to think more clearly about your circumstances and options. You waste less mental energy maintaining false narratives.
Decision-Making Improves: With accurate information about your situation, you can make better choices about your next steps. You’re no longer basing decisions on wishful thinking or fear.
Relationships Deepen: When you’re honest about reality with yourself, you can be more honest with others. This vulnerability creates opportunities for genuine connection, which Dr. Delony identifies as another crucial choice for a non-anxious life.
Self-Trust Builds: Each time you face reality and survive (or even thrive), you prove to yourself that you’re capable of handling difficult truths. This builds confidence and resilience.
Anxiety Decreases: As the gap between reality and perception closes, your brain has fewer false alarms to sound. The constant background hum of anxiety begins to quiet.
Common Obstacles to Choosing Reality
Fear of Judgment
Many people avoid facing reality because they fear what it says about them. “If I admit I’m struggling financially, people will think I’m irresponsible.” Dr. Delony reminds readers that everyone struggles—pretending otherwise doesn’t make you more admirable; it just makes you more anxious.
Overwhelm
Sometimes reality feels so large and complicated that we don’t even know where to begin. Start small. You don’t need to solve every problem today—you just need to acknowledge one truth and take one step forward.
Past Trauma
For some, avoiding reality is a survival mechanism developed during traumatic experiences. If this resonates with you, Dr. Delony strongly encourages working with a qualified therapist who can help you process past experiences while building capacity to face present reality.
Integrating Reality with the Other Five Choices
Choosing reality is the foundation upon which the other five daily choices rest. In Building a Non-Anxious Life, Dr. John Delony outlines a complete framework:
- Choose Reality: Face what is actually true
- Choose Connection: Build authentic relationships
- Choose Freedom: Live within your means and values
- Choose Health: Prioritize physical wellness
- Choose Mindfulness: Develop awareness of your thoughts and feelings
- Choose Belief: Connect to something greater than yourself
Each of these choices works synergistically with the others. You cannot truly connect with others while hiding from reality. You cannot experience freedom while living in denial. You cannot practice effective mindfulness while avoiding truth.
Choosing reality creates the stable foundation necessary for implementing the other choices that, together, build a genuinely non-anxious life.
Conclusion: The Liberation of Truth
Dr. John Delony writes in Building a Non-Anxious Life that he wouldn’t have written the book if he didn’t believe there is hope—for you, for him, for our kids, for the people we love, and for our world. That hope begins with reality.
Choosing reality isn’t the easy path, but it is the path to freedom. It requires daily recommitment, honest self-assessment, and the courage to see your life clearly. But on the other side of that courage lies something extraordinary: a life where anxiety no longer dominates your experience, where you feel capable of handling whatever comes your way, and where you’re finally free to be yourself.
The question isn’t whether your life contains difficult realities—everyone’s does. The question is whether you’ll choose to face those realities and, in doing so, take the first critical step toward building the non-anxious life you deserve.
As Dr. Delony reminds us, these are choices we make day by day, moment by moment. Today, choose reality. Tomorrow, choose it again. And watch as your relationship with anxiety fundamentally transforms.