Introduction: The Loneliness Epidemic Fueling Our Anxiety
We live in the most technologically connected era in human history, yet loneliness and isolation have reached epidemic proportions. According to recent research, nearly half of Americans report feeling alone or left out, and this isolation directly correlates with increased anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems. In his transformative book Building a Non-Anxious Life, Dr. John Delony identifies connection as one of six essential daily choices for eliminating anxiety from our lives.
This isn’t just about having people around you—it’s about cultivating authentic, vulnerable relationships that provide safety, belonging, and shared humanity. Dr. Delony, who serves as a mental health expert at Ramsey Solutions and hosts The Dr. John Delony Show, argues that choosing connection is one of the most powerful antidotes to the anxiety crisis we’re experiencing.
Why We’re More Connected Yet More Alone
The paradox of modern life is striking: we have smartphones that connect us to billions of people instantly, social media platforms that showcase everyone’s lives in real-time, and endless opportunities for digital interaction. Yet research consistently shows that people feel more isolated, disconnected, and anxious than previous generations.
Dr. Delony explains that proximity without intimacy creates a unique form of loneliness. We’re surrounded by people—at work, online, in our neighborhoods—but true connection requires vulnerability, risk, and authenticity. These are precisely the things our anxiety tells us to avoid.
The Anxiety-Isolation Feedback Loop
Here’s how the cycle typically works:
- Anxiety makes us want to withdraw and protect ourselves
- Isolation increases as we pull away from relationships
- Without connection, our anxiety worsens
- Increased anxiety makes us withdraw further
- The cycle continues, deepening both isolation and anxiety
In Building a Non-Anxious Life, Dr. John Delony emphasizes that breaking this cycle requires choosing connection even when—especially when—every fiber of your being wants to isolate. This choice directly contradicts what anxiety tells you to do, which is why it’s so powerful.
What Connection Really Means
Before we can choose connection, we need to understand what it actually is. Dr. Delony is clear that connection isn’t:
- Simply being around other people
- Maintaining surface-level relationships
- Broadcasting your life on social media
- Having a large friend group or network
- Never being alone
True connection means being fully seen, heard, and known by other people—and extending the same presence to them. It means having relationships where you can be vulnerable about your struggles, imperfect in your humanity, and honest about your experience without fear of judgment or abandonment.
The Biology of Connection
Our brains are literally wired for connection. Dr. Delony references attachment theory and neuroscience research showing that humans are fundamentally relational beings. We don’t just want connection—we need it for survival and wellness.
When we experience authentic connection:
- Our nervous system calms down
- Stress hormones decrease
- Feel-good neurochemicals like oxytocin increase
- Our perception of threat diminishes
- Anxiety naturally subsides
Isolation, conversely, triggers the same neural pathways as physical pain. Your brain interprets loneliness as a genuine threat to survival, activating anxiety alarms that something is wrong and you need to take action.
Practical Ways to Choose Connection Daily
1. Start with One Authentic Relationship
You don’t need to overhaul your entire social life overnight. Dr. Delony suggests starting with one person—a friend, family member, partner, or therapist—with whom you can practice authentic connection.
Make a commitment to be honest with this person about what you’re actually experiencing. Not the curated version, not the “I’m fine” version, but the real, messy, complicated truth of your life. This vulnerability creates the foundation for genuine connection.
Start with small disclosures:
- “I’ve been feeling really anxious lately”
- “I’m struggling with something and could use support”
- “Can I tell you what’s actually going on with me?”
2. Schedule Regular Face-to-Face Time
In Building a Non-Anxious Life, Dr. John Delony emphasizes the irreplaceable value of in-person connection. Text messages, phone calls, and video chats have their place, but nothing replaces physical presence.
Schedule recurring face-to-face time with people who matter to you:
- Weekly coffee with a friend
- Monthly dinner with extended family
- Regular date nights with your partner
- Joining a small group or community organization
Treat these commitments like appointments you can’t miss. When anxiety whispers that you should cancel and stay home, choose connection anyway.
3. Practice Vulnerability in Existing Relationships
Many people report feeling lonely even within their marriages, families, or friendships. The relationship exists, but genuine connection doesn’t. This happens when we protect ourselves by presenting only acceptable, polished versions of ourselves.
Dr. Delony teaches that vulnerability is the currency of connection. To deepen existing relationships:
- Share your fears, not just your achievements
- Admit when you’re struggling instead of pretending everything is fine
- Ask for help rather than maintaining an image of self-sufficiency
- Express emotions honestly instead of defaulting to “I’m good”
Yes, this feels risky. Yes, some people may not respond well. But the payoff—genuine connection that reduces anxiety—is worth the risk.
4. Join a Community with Shared Purpose
Anxiety thrives when we feel isolated and purposeless. Dr. Delony recommends joining communities organized around shared values, interests, or goals:
- Faith communities or spiritual groups
- Volunteer organizations
- Hobby-based clubs (running groups, book clubs, maker spaces)
- Service organizations
- Support groups
These communities provide built-in structure for connection while giving you something meaningful to contribute beyond yourself. When you’re serving others or working toward shared goals, anxiety has less room to dominate your experience.
5. Reduce Digital “Connection” and Increase Human Connection
Social media creates the illusion of connection while often exacerbating loneliness and anxiety. Dr. Delony doesn’t suggest abandoning all digital communication, but he does recommend intentionally shifting the balance toward real-world connection.
Try this experiment for 30 days:
- Reduce social media usage by 50%
- Use the reclaimed time for in-person connection
- Notice how your anxiety and sense of belonging shift
Many people discover that the anxiety they attributed to life circumstances was actually being fueled by the comparison, envy, and pseudo-connection of social media.
Overcoming Barriers to Connection
“I Don’t Want to Burden Others”
This is anxiety talking. Dr. Delony writes extensively about how your struggle doesn’t burden the people who love you—your isolation does. People who care about you want to know what’s really going on. They want to support you. Letting them in isn’t a burden; it’s a gift that allows relationship to deepen.
“I Don’t Have Time for Relationships”
In Building a Non-Anxious Life, Dr. John Delony addresses the epidemic of busyness that keeps people isolated despite good intentions. The uncomfortable truth is that we make time for what we prioritize.
If you don’t have time for connection, you don’t have time for a non-anxious life. The hours you spend managing anxiety, scrolling social media, or numbing out could be redirected toward the very thing that would reduce your anxiety—authentic human connection.
“I’ve Been Hurt Before”
Past relational trauma creates legitimate hesitation about vulnerability. Dr. Delony acknowledges this reality and emphasizes that choosing connection doesn’t mean being reckless or naive. It means slowly, carefully building relationships with trustworthy people who demonstrate care, consistency, and safety.
Working with a therapist can help you process past wounds while developing the skills to build healthy connections moving forward.
“I Don’t Know How to Connect”
Many people never learned the skills for authentic connection. If you grew up in an environment where vulnerability was punished, emotions were suppressed, or relationships were transactional, connection might feel foreign.
The good news is that connection skills can be learned. Start by:
- Practicing active listening without planning your response
- Asking open-ended questions about others’ experiences
- Sharing your own experiences without trying to one-up or fix
- Being present without your phone during conversations
- Expressing appreciation and gratitude directly
Connection and the Other Five Choices
Dr. Delony’s framework in Building a Non-Anxious Life includes six daily choices that work synergistically:
- Choose Reality
- Choose Connection
- Choose Freedom
- Choose Health
- Choose Mindfulness
- Choose Belief
Connection amplifies every other choice. When you have authentic relationships:
- You have support for facing reality
- You’re accountable for choosing freedom from debt and destructive patterns
- You have companions for health and healing journeys
- You have mirrors for mindfulness and self-awareness
- You have community for exploring belief and meaning
Conversely, trying to build a non-anxious life in isolation makes every other choice exponentially harder.
The Transformation Connection Creates
When you consistently choose connection over isolation, profound changes occur:
Anxiety Becomes Manageable: You’re no longer alone with your anxious thoughts. Others help you reality-test, provide perspective, and remind you of truths anxiety makes you forget.
Resilience Increases: Research shows that social support is the single best predictor of resilience in the face of stress and trauma. Connected people weather storms better.
Joy Expands: The same vulnerability that allows us to share struggle also allows us to share celebration. Joy experienced in isolation is muted; joy shared with others multiplies.
Identity Strengthens: We discover who we are in relationship with others. Connection provides mirrors that reflect our worth, clarify our values, and reinforce positive aspects of our character.
Life Gains Meaning: Dr. Delony emphasizes that humans are relational by design. Much of life’s meaning comes from loving and being loved, serving and being served, knowing and being known.
Small Steps Toward Connection Today
You don’t need to completely redesign your social life to begin experiencing the anxiety-reducing benefits of connection. Start here:
Today:
- Text someone you’ve been meaning to reach out to
- Make eye contact and have a real conversation with a colleague
- Ask someone how they’re really doing and actually listen
This Week:
- Schedule a face-to-face meeting with a friend or family member
- Share one authentic thing about your experience with someone safe
- Join one group or community activity
This Month:
- Identify one or two people you want to deepen relationship with
- Create a regular rhythm of connection (weekly, biweekly, monthly)
- Practice vulnerability by sharing a struggle or asking for help
Conclusion: The Choice That Changes Everything
Dr. John Delony writes that one word recurs throughout Building a Non-Anxious Life: choice. We cannot always choose our circumstances, but we can choose how we respond to them. Choosing connection in a culture that promotes isolation is a radical act of self-care and anxiety resistance.
The path to a non-anxious life doesn’t go around human connection—it goes straight through it. Every time you choose vulnerability over self-protection, presence over distraction, and authenticity over image management, you’re building the relational foundation that anxiety cannot survive on.
You were never meant to navigate life alone. The anxiety you feel might be your body’s way of telling you that you’re disconnected from the relational sustenance you need. Choose connection today. Choose it tomorrow. Keep choosing it, and watch as anxiety gradually loses its grip on your life.