The Social Skill Most Men Never Develop
After his second divorce in his late 40s, Dr. Robert Glover faced an uncomfortable realization: he had never lived alone as an adult, had almost no social life outside his marriage, and had no idea how to meet women beyond online dating profiles.
“I married my first wife two days after I graduated from college, moved out of the dorm, moved in,” he recalls on the Modern Wisdom podcast. Looking at women’s profiles on Match.com—full of wine tastings, skiing trips, and European vacations—he confronted a hard truth: “I spent the last 25 years going to my kids’ sporting events, walking the dog, and trying to make my wife happy. That’s what my life looks like.”
What happened next provides a blueprint for any man struggling with social anxiety, dating challenges, or simply feeling invisible to women.
The Foundation: Become a Social Animal
Dr. Glover’s first priority wasn’t learning pickup lines or dating techniques. It was simpler and more fundamental: “I work to become a social animal. If there was anything that I could do and I could do it in public, I went out in public and did it.”
This meant:
- Reading the New York Times at a coffee shop instead of at home
- Eating breakfast at restaurants instead of his kitchen
- Taking his laptop to happy hour bars
- Going anywhere he could “be in public” instead of isolated
“I practiced talking to people around me,” he explains. The goal wasn’t to hit on women—it was to become comfortable being social, period.
The impact was immediate and unexpected. Women in public spaces began noticing “who is that guy? He talks to everybody, he seems to know everybody.”
The Three-Level Testing Framework
Dr. Glover teaches men what he calls “testing for interest”—a simple three-level framework that removes the pressure and mystery from social interactions.
Level One: Social Pleasantry
Start with anyone—men, women, old people, young people. Don’t wait until you see an attractive woman. Just practice basic human connection:
“How’s your day going so far?” “Been shopping long?” “Think it’s ever going to get rainy?” “That was a hell of a thunderstorm last night, wasn’t it?”
“Anything—social pleasantry. That’s level one,” Dr. Glover explains. You’re simply checking: is this person open to a brief human interaction?
Level Two: Organic Connection
“If that level one testing just organically continues, I call that level two.” This is where conversation flows naturally beyond the initial pleasantry. You’re talking about something—anything—that both people find engaging.
The key? “Somebody has to start. Somebody has to say ‘how’s your day going so far?’ There’s got to be some start to it.”
Most interactions end here, and that’s perfectly fine. “Most of the time you say ‘how’s your day going so far?’ ‘Fine.’ And you say ‘hey, nice to meet you, have a great day.'”
Level Three: The Requirement
“Occasionally there’s a real connection there, whether it’s you talking with another guy, whether it’s with a woman. Now at level three, you have to require something of them to see how high that level is.”
This typically means: “Hey, give me your number. Give me your Instagram. I’ll call you, I got an idea, I got a plan, we’ll connect.”
Their response tells you everything:
- “Yeah, that’s great, I’m really busy these days” = low interest
- “That’d be fantastic, I’d love to connect with you” = high interest
The Critical Mistake: Playing It Safe at Level Two
Here’s where most men sabotage themselves, according to Dr. Glover:
“Most men, because of that approval-seeking, especially with women, they get to level two, they seem to have the woman’s approval, they’re having a nice conversation, she’s talking a lot, it’s going well—they don’t want to blow that. So they don’t do anything that might risk the approval.”
They don’t:
- Say anything that might “rock the boat”
- Require anything of her
- Touch her arm
- Take her hand and lead her somewhere
- Get playful
“They just start playing it safe. That’s the boring part that women go ‘what?'”
Dr. Glover has heard this frustration from countless women on airplanes when they learn what he does: “I see a guy, I look his way, I smile at him, I open my body, I turn towards him, I notice him a time or two. How come he never walks over and talks to me?”
His answer: “Because he’s scared.”
Their follow-up: “Why?”
“Because you’re scary.”
What Women Actually Tell Dr. Glover
When women on flights ask what he teaches men, they invariably want to share their own requests:
First: “Tell the men to trim their ears and nose hair.”
Second: “Tell them to polish their shoes. Shoes are important to women.”
But then comes the real complaint: “How come when I’m giving every signal—I touch his arm a lot, I lean into him, I smile, I laugh at his corny jokes—when is he going to ask for my number? Do I have to put up a billboard that says ‘hey dumb ass, ask me for my number?'”
The guy finishes the conversation, shakes her hand, says “well it was nice talking to you,” and walks away.
Why? “Because he’s scared,” Dr. Glover repeats. “Guys are looking for rejection, which is just the opposite of approval. If they approve of me at any level, I don’t want to risk that. I’ll take that as a win.”
The Post-MeToo Complication
There’s a legitimate tension in modern dating that Dr. Glover acknowledges. Men are terrified of being seen as predators, and women are wary of strange men.
“I think men have no idea what it’s like to be in a woman’s skin, especially a young, moderately attractive woman who has men walking up to them all the time,” he admits. “As a woman, you don’t know what this guy’s about. You do know he’s approaching you because you got boobs.”
His solution? Don’t cold-approach women just because they’re hot. It’s invasive, puts her on guard, and broadcasts low self-worth. “That’s a great way to pick your car mechanic, your heart surgeon, your dentist? No, you pick them because they’re competent at the skills you want them to have.”
The Practical Alternative: Be Where Life Happens
Rather than hunting for women, Dr. Glover advocates living a full life in public spaces where natural interactions occur:
- Take salsa lessons and practice with strangers
- Ask people their names everywhere you go
- Say yes to opportunities and invitations
- Linger in public rather than rushing through errands
- Notice who’s noticing you
“I always ask people their name—Uber drivers, restaurant staff, camera operators,” he explains. “There’s just something about being socially interactive that I found tends to be highly attractive to the feminine.”
His wife constantly points out young women trying to get his attention. Why? Not because he’s chasing them, but because he’s “comfortable in his own skin, having a life of purpose, enjoying where you’re going. I think it makes you attractive to all things—men, women, opportunity, money, adventure.”
The Blurt Principle
One of Dr. Glover’s simplest but most powerful techniques: “If something comes to the front of your mind, just say it. The more you hold back, the safer you get.”
Example: If you match with someone on a dating app, instead of “hey, how’s it going?” try something with energy:
“Hey Jessica, you animal, what are you doing here?”
Or his personal favorite opening: “I call you up, I tell you you’ve got 30 minutes to pack your passport, your flip-flops, and your bikini. Where are we going?”
“It starts the conversation, it gets them thinking, it gets you into their mind of doing something together,” he explains. “They get to pick what it is, so now they respond to that. I find out how they think, how they engage in that kind of energy, what kind of places they like to go.”
The Real Confidence Secret
When asked about confidence, Dr. Glover surprises many: “I’ve never worried about confidence.”
What he focused on instead? “Not holding back. Not holding back.”
He talks to everyone, everywhere. He asks for what he wants. He touches women when he has the impulse. He’s playful. He says yes to opportunities.
“It’s funny how things just keep coming to me when you say yes,” he reflects. “I used to research it, talk about it a lot, take a lot of time, and then the opportunity’s come and gone. So I think that being uninhibited, not holding back, having a yes mentality has tended to make me attractive to women.”
At 68, with white hair and admittedly average looks, he says: “I don’t seem to have any problem attracting good things to my life, whether they be opportunities to talk to interesting people, take interesting trips, have women pay attention to me. There’s no magic to it.”
The magic, if there is any, is simply this: “Get out of the house, expand your route, linger in public, talk to people, test for interest, walk through open doors, say yes.”