When Oz Pearlman finished performing at Steven Spielberg’s father’s 99th birthday party, he prepared himself for a moment he’d been anticipating for hours. Finally, he would get to ask one of cinema’s greatest directors about his process, his inspiration, his legendary career. Pearlman, author of “Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success From The World’s Greatest Mentalist,” had questions ready. But in his revealing conversation on The Diary of A CEO podcast with Steven Bartlett, Pearlman shared what happened instead—and why it changed his entire approach to communication and success.
“At the end of the show, he comes up to thank me and I’m I’m ready,” Pearlman recalls. “I was able to ask Steven Spielberg zero questions. Do you know why? He talked to me the whole time. He kept asking me questions rapid fire, this and about my life and about what drove me and this. And I just wanted to keep being like, ‘Pause. I got questions for you. You’re Steven Spielberg.'”
But Spielberg didn’t pause. He made it all about Oz. And in that moment, Pearlman learned what he calls the number one secret to his success: “It’s not about you. It’s always about them.”
The Core Principle: The Mirror Always Faces Outward
Throughout the podcast episode, Pearlman returned again and again to this fundamental insight. Whether discussing his performances, his business success, or his approach to relationships, everything circles back to the same principle: make it about them, not you.
“My whole job is to make you believe that I can read minds,” Pearlman explains. “But here is the honest truth. I can’t read minds. I wish I could read minds. That’s impossible. I read people.” And reading people requires focusing completely on them.
As featured on The Diary of A CEO, this isn’t just a performance technique—it’s a life philosophy that has allowed Pearlman to achieve extraordinary things. “I shouldn’t have been on all different networks doing what I do on CNBC. I’ve been on there dozens of times. That’s the financial network. How many other magicians or mentalists have ever been on that network? Zero. It doesn’t make sense. That’s a serious network. They do finance. Why are they bringing me on?”
The answer: “Because I tailor my presentations to the viewer. I don’t think about myself.”
The Spielberg Principle in Action
What made Spielberg’s interaction so powerful wasn’t just that he asked questions—it was the quality of his attention and curiosity. As Pearlman describes it, Spielberg gave him “100% undivided attention,” asking questions about Pearlman’s life, motivations, and process with genuine interest.
This behavior, Pearlman realized, represents a pattern among highly successful people: “Some of the people I’ve seen that are the most successful, the most authentic and genuine, they will look you in the eye. They will lock in. They will not be looking around at other people. And they will give you their 100% undivided attention. And they will ask you questions that other people haven’t asked you before.”
The psychological principle at work here is profound. When someone gives you their complete attention and genuine curiosity, they trigger several powerful responses:
The Reciprocity Effect
You naturally want to give back to people who give to you. When someone shows deep interest in you, you instinctively want to help them, support them, or do business with them.
The Self-Importance Validation
As Pearlman notes on the podcast, “The number one thing that people care about is themselves, their family, their friends, their career, right? All of us are the star of our own movie. You’re the star of your movie. I’m the star of my movie.” When you make someone else the star, you validate their fundamental sense of importance.
The Trust Formation
Genuine interest creates trust faster than almost any other behavior. When people feel truly heard and understood, they drop their defenses and open up.
The Memorability Factor
People remember how you made them feel. Spielberg made Pearlman feel important, valued, and interesting. Years later, Pearlman still tells the story—and his audiences hear it, creating a positive association with Spielberg’s character that extends his influence even further.
The Autopilot Trap
One of Pearlman’s most important warnings from The Diary of A CEO is about the danger of “autopilot mode” in conversations. He describes how most people approach social interactions:
“I challenge you, don’t just do the normal question when you meet somebody. Oh, what do you do for a living? Oh, what? We as soon as we do that, we go into autopilot. I go into autopilot. And I’m not judging you. Most people do that, right?”
When you ask standard questions, you get standard responses, and both parties mentally check out. The conversation becomes a ritual rather than a connection. Nobody is actually present; everyone is just performing their social script.
The solution, according to Pearlman: “Challenge yourself to be the outlier and think of a question you can ask someone if you have time to think of it in advance or in the moment that throws them out of autopilot that makes them think, ‘Wow, I haven’t really thought of that before.'”
This requires genuine curiosity about the other person. You can’t fake this effectively long-term. You have to actually care about understanding who they are and what matters to them.
The Five Ways to Become a Better Active Listener
During the podcast, Pearlman outlined his framework for active listening—a set of practices that transform how people respond to you. These aren’t gimmicks or tricks; they’re fundamental shifts in how you approach conversation.
1. Ask Open-Ended Questions
“Asking questions that are not yes or no questions are also great,” Pearlman emphasizes. “Ask questions that let them explore who they are.”
The difference is massive:
- Closed: “Did you like your last job?”
- Open: “What did you love most about your last job, and what made you decide to move on?”
The closed question gets a one-word answer and goes nowhere. The open question invites reflection, story, and connection.
2. Let the Audience Guide You
“I let the audience guide me to what’s of interest to them,” Pearlman explains. This means paying attention to what lights people up, what they naturally gravitate toward in conversation, what they emphasize or repeat.
When someone mentions something with energy or passion, that’s your signal. Go deeper there. Don’t stick to your planned questions if they’re revealing something more interesting.
3. Lock In Completely
“They will look you in the eye. They will lock in. They will not be looking around at other people.” This complete attention is rarer than ever in our distracted age—and therefore more powerful.
As featured on The Diary of A CEO, Pearlman points out that checking your phone or watch during a conversation sends a devastating message. “If I’m having a great conversation with you and you’re a client or something and I just glance at my watch, you just did it then with me again. You just glanced down at my hand, right?”
Your focus directs their focus. If you’re distracted, they become distracted. If you’re present, they become present.
4. Avoid the Professional Curiosity Trap
Pearlman shares a fascinating insight about watching other mentalists perform: “Right away there’s a professional curiosity” about how they did it. But he’s learned to “stop the part of me that wants to know how it was done” because immediately analyzing ruins the experience.
This applies to all professional interactions. When someone in your field is speaking, don’t immediately shift into “how can I use this” or “how does this compare to what I do” mode. Just listen. Just be present. The applications will come later, but genuine listening requires suspending your agenda.
5. Ask Questions Others Haven’t Asked
This is perhaps the most powerful element. “They will ask you questions that other people haven’t asked you before,” Pearlman says about successful people.
This requires preparation and creativity. You need to think beyond the obvious questions. Research the person if possible. Consider what aspects of their story or work might be overlooked. Find the angle that nobody else is exploring.
The Football Players Example
Pearlman illustrates his “make it about them” principle with a concrete example: “If I go into a room with football players, I make everything structured on football.”
This seems simple, but most people miss the depth of this approach. It’s not just about mentioning football—it’s about deeply understanding what football means to that specific audience. What are their current challenges? What controversies are they debating? What achievements do they care about? What language do they use?
“The same way if I go into a room with football players,” he continues, demonstrating how he mentally prepares for different audiences. His CNBC appearances weren’t just magic tricks—they were “something related to stocks and bonds and dividends and interest rates. That is fascinating the person watching.”
The key question Pearlman asks himself: “Are you just thinking about you or where can you highlight the attributes of what is this person missing? What’s wrong with what their status quo is? What are you missing?”
The Benefits-Oriented Language Framework
One of the most actionable insights from the podcast is Pearlman’s emphasis on “benefits-oriented language.” He contrasts the ineffective approach with the effective one:
Ineffective (Me-Focused): “How great am I? How great is my product? It’s all about me, me, me.”
Effective (Them-Focused): “All of it should be you. I want to make your life easier. I want to make this migration to our platform seamless. What’s currently bothering you? I want to know all the things that you that are your moments of resistance. What’s resisting you from saying yes?”
Notice the shift. Instead of presenting features, Pearlman recommends discovering problems. Instead of highlighting your capabilities, highlight their needs. Instead of talking about what you can do, talk about what they can achieve.
“Every time you tell me one [objection], I want to be prepared to check that off,” he explains. This is preparation meeting opportunity—but the preparation is entirely focused on understanding and addressing their perspective, not showcasing yours.
The Sales Application: Anticipate What They’re Thinking
As featured on The Diary of A CEO, Pearlman makes a crucial connection between his mentalism work and sales success: “You’re guessing the thoughts of what’s keeping them from buying your product.”
This reframes the entire sales process. You’re not trying to convince people of something they don’t want. You’re trying to understand what’s preventing them from getting something they do want. Then you remove those obstacles.
“You want to anticipate what they’re going to say the same way a mentalist does. But in this case, you’re not guessing cards or numbers or names. You’re guessing the thoughts of what’s keeping them from buying your product.”
The preparation looks like this:
- Research the client/prospect thoroughly
- List every possible objection they might have
- Prepare responses that acknowledge their concern and offer solutions
- During the conversation, actively listen for the real objections (which may differ from your list)
- Address each one with empathy and clarity
“That’s so funny you mentioned that. I know you want no downtime. Here’s how we can ensure no downtime,” Pearlman suggests as an example. You’re not dismissing their concern—you’re validating it and solving it.
The Most Interesting Person Paradox
Pearlman shares one of the most counterintuitive insights from the podcast: “The most interesting person in a room tends to be the most interested person in the room.”
This flips conventional wisdom on its head. We tend to think interesting people are those with fascinating stories, impressive credentials, or unique experiences. But Pearlman argues that genuinely interesting people are those who are interested in others.
Why? Because interest is engaging. When you’re interested in someone, they become animated, thoughtful, reflective. They share stories they don’t usually share. They open up in ways they don’t normally open up. Your interest creates an interesting interaction—and you get credit for that creation.
Conversely, people who constantly talk about themselves, no matter how accomplished, quickly become boring. They take up all the space in the conversation, leaving no room for connection or discovery.
The Note-Taking Obsession
Pearlman’s commitment to making it about others extends far beyond the immediate interaction. As discussed on The Diary of A CEO, he maintains detailed notes about everyone he meets:
“At every show and through every interaction that I ever have with somebody, I write down I have a shorthand to make it quicker, but I will write down everything that I did, everybody that I met, things that I remember about them. And I will do this immediately when I finish the show.”
He elaborates: “Last night I met somebody. She has two children. They’re three and five. Her oldest son absolutely loves this one YouTube star. They live—I know where they live. Like she just shared a lot of details with me that in her mind are kind of like Snapchats. They vanished. They didn’t vanish to me.”
This practice serves multiple purposes:
Memory Reinforcement
Writing things down immediately reinforces memory, making it more likely you’ll remember even without consulting the notes.
Long-Term Relationship Building
When you see someone months or years later and remember details they shared, the impact is extraordinary. “Do you know how great that feeling is to somebody when you remember things they told you?” Pearlman asks. “It’s like winning the lottery.”
Professional Advantage
In business contexts, remembering client details, preferences, and past conversations creates competitive advantage. You’re not just another vendor—you’re someone who cares enough to remember.
Genuine Interest Demonstration
The act of taking notes (or committing to take notes immediately after) forces you to actually pay attention during conversations. You can’t write down what you didn’t hear.
The Information Is Power Principle
“Information is power,” Pearlman states simply on the podcast. “That information, the longer you hold it, it’s a coupon with no expiration date. And when you serve it up to that person—in fact, it’s the reverse. The longer you hold on to it, the more impressive it is.”
He illustrates: “If I met you yesterday and you told me your favorite color is magenta and I say it to you tomorrow. Not that exciting. But in two years if when I meet you and we see a car I go Stephen that’s your favorite color magenta isn’t it? Not as a trick, just there in your mind. Dopamine. How did you remember that? You’re touched that I remember that about you, right? That’s what people care about.”
This isn’t manipulation—it’s respect. It’s saying through your actions: “You mattered enough to me that I remembered what you shared.”
The Gratuitous Giving Philosophy
Perhaps the most powerful expression of Pearlman’s “make it about them” philosophy comes in his approach to giving: “I would say give gratuitously. But the more gratuitous you give, there’s this funny way in the world where the universe bounces back and the more I do for others, they want to do the same for me.”
This isn’t transactional giving (I’ll do this so you’ll do that). It’s genuinely gratuitous giving with a recognition that generosity tends to generate reciprocity—not because you’re keeping score, but because humans naturally want to help those who help them.
“If you can create memorable moments for others, they will remember you and they will spread the word to others,” Pearlman explains. “And that’s how you—whatever you do in life. What you do for others is what’s going to eventually propel you to success.”
The Preparation Requirement
None of this works without preparation. As emphasized throughout The Diary of A CEO episode, Pearlman’s success comes from relentless preparation:
“What I do most is prepare. I prepare in advance for what will work, what won’t work, and all the troubleshoots in between. Plan A, B, C, D, all the way to Z.”
For a sales meeting, this means:
- Research the company and individual thoroughly
- Identify their likely pain points and objectives
- Prepare questions that dig deeper than surface level
- Anticipate objections and prepare responses
- Structure your presentation around their needs, not your capabilities
For a networking event:
- If you know who will be there, research them
- Prepare interesting questions beyond “what do you do?”
- Think about how you can be helpful to others
- Focus on giving rather than taking
For any meaningful interaction:
- Clear your mind of distractions beforehand
- Commit to being fully present
- Remind yourself: “This is about them, not me”
- Prepare to take notes immediately after
The Action Challenge
True to his philosophy, Pearlman would want immediate action. Here’s your challenge for the next week:
Day 1-2: The Listening Audit Record (mentally or actually) your next five conversations. Calculate what percentage of the time you were talking vs. listening. Calculate what percentage of your questions were about you vs. them.
Day 3-4: The Question Preparation Before your next important interaction, prepare three questions that nobody else would ask. Make them genuinely curious, open-ended, and focused on the other person.
Day 5-6: The Note-Taking Practice After every meaningful interaction, immediately write down:
- The person’s name
- Three personal details they shared
- One thing that seemed to energize or excite them
- One way you might be able to help them
Day 7: The Follow-Up Test Reference something from your notes in a follow-up message or interaction. Watch their reaction when they realize you actually remembered.
Conclusion: The Mirror Faces Out
In a culture obsessed with personal branding, self-promotion, and “building your platform,” Oz Pearlman’s insights from The Diary of A CEO offer a radically different path to success: make it about them.
This isn’t just more ethical—it’s more effective. As Pearlman’s extraordinary career demonstrates, from Wall Street to world-stage performances, the fastest path to success runs through other people’s interests, not your own.
The most successful people—whether Steven Spielberg directing films or Oz Pearlman performing mentalism—understand this instinctively. They know that influence comes from understanding, connection comes from curiosity, and success comes from service.
“The moment you realize that you will be successful in your life when you start making other people the star, thinking about them, thinking about what’s going on in their head, that’s true mentalism,” Pearlman concludes. “What are they thinking and how do I deliver on that? How do I make them look good? How do I make them like me more? How do I win them over?”
The answers to those questions unlock not just success, but significance. They transform you from someone trying to get attention to someone worthy of attention. They shift you from taking to giving, from selling to serving, from performing to connecting.
The mirror always faces outward. The most interesting person is the most interested. And the secret to reading minds is really just the art of reading people—which begins with genuinely caring about what you discover.
Make it about them. Everything else follows.
This article is based on insights from Oz Pearlman’s appearance on The Diary of A CEO podcast, hosted by Steven Bartlett. Oz Pearlman is the author of “Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success From The World’s Greatest Mentalist” and has performed for millions on television and at private events worldwide.