Kittenfishing is when someone misrepresents themselves slightly on a dating app—using outdated photos, exaggerated details, or selective truths—without creating a completely fake identity.
What Is Kittenfishing in Modern Dating?
You match with someone on a dating app who looks great in their photos—fit, stylish, with an impressive job title and interesting hobbies. When you meet in person, they’re recognizable but noticeably different. They’re about three inches shorter than their profile claimed, their photos were clearly from several years and some pounds ago, and their “marketing manager” title turns out to be an entry-level position they started last month. Nothing is dramatically false, but the overall impression feels misleading. You’ve been kittenfished—subjected to a softer, more socially acceptable version of catfishing where the deception lies in embellishment rather than outright fabrication.
Quick Definition
Kittenfishing is considered a form of less intense catfishing wherein you change certain details or hide certain things about your life and appearance in order to seem better to a potential partner Men’s Health. The online dating strategy is characterized by using little white lies—like misrepresenting your height, age, or interests—to hook a potential date NBC News. Unlike catfishing, which involves creating a completely fake identity, kittenfishing involves strategically presenting an enhanced or misleadingly favorable version of your actual self.
Credible Source Quote
Coined by the dating app Hinge, kittenfishing involves embellishing or misrepresenting yourself online in an effort to make yourself look more desirable and attract whom you want—and dating apps are littered with kittenfishing attempts Psychology Today, according to Psychology Today. The behavior is so common that if you’ve been on dating apps for any length of time, you’ve almost certainly encountered it.
Origins & Cultural Context
The term “kittenfishing” was coined by the dating app Hinge around 2016-2017 as a playful derivative of “catfishing.” The 2010 documentary Catfish chronicled photographer Nev Schulman’s journey to discover who was really behind the long-distance relationship he’d been having with a beautiful 19-year-old singer named Megan—ultimately, Schulman finds that the woman he’d communicated with was actually invented by a middle-aged mom living in Michigan NBC News. Since then, catfishing has become a well-known dating term.
Kittenfishing emerged as the milder cousin—not quite the dramatic deception of full catfishing, but still involving deliberate misrepresentation. According to a survey by the dating app Hily, more than 50 percent of young Americans have been on dates with people who appeared noticeably different from their dating app photos, and 1 in 10 Americans actively refuse to update their dating profiles even when they know their appearance has changed VICE.
The behavior predates the term—people have always put their best foot forward in dating. But photo filters, angle manipulation, and the ability to curate a completely controlled online persona have made strategic deception easier than ever. What used to require outright lying now just requires selecting the right photos from three years ago and inflating your job title slightly.
Real-Life Signs of Kittenfishing
Common kittenfishing tactics include:
Appearance Misrepresentation:
- Using old photos of themselves that make them appear to be a different age, different body type, or different hair style than they have presently Men’s Health
- Strategic angles that hide weight or height
- Heavy filtering that dramatically alters facial features
- Wearing hats in all photos if you’re bald NBC News
- Photos from significantly better fitness or appearance periods
Lifestyle and Accomplishments:
- Pretending to be a few years younger, lying about height, misrepresenting current employment status or career, or current place of living Men’s Health
- Inflating job titles or using highly retouched photos that are technically them but look like the best and most idealized version TODAY.com
- Exaggerating hobbies or interests (“adventure enthusiast” = went hiking once)
- Misrepresenting lifestyle habits, substance use, education, or work role TODAY.com
Personality and Values:
- If you put on your profile that you’re an activist but you aren’t currently engaged with any causes, you are kittenfishing and should find another word to describe your community involvement TODAY.com
- Claiming political beliefs or values you don’t actually hold
- Presenting interests that aren’t genuine to seem more compatible
Why People Do This (Psychology Behind It)
Insecurity: People often partake in kittenfishing because they want to appear more attractive, successful, or with it than they feel they are in their regular life—there’s a sense of if I’m myself, no one will want me, so they kittenfish to reduce rejection or mask insecurity TODAY.com.
The Strategy of Optimization: For people who truly believe they’re better in person than they are via photos, licensed clinical psychologist Sharone Weltfried says kittenfishing can be looked at as a strategy—kittenfishers try to optimize the likelihood of getting a first date because they believe they can win people over in person with their personality, charm, wit, intelligence, sense of humor NBC News.
Competitive Environment: Dating apps can sometimes be a competitive space with thousands of people trying to stand out from one another TODAY.com. People feel pressure to present an idealized version to get noticed.
Ease of Deception: You’ll often see people kittenfishing because quite frankly it’s easy to do TODAY.com. Selecting flattering photos and embellishing details requires minimal effort and carries little immediate consequence.
Cultural Beauty Standards: A lot of kittenfishing behavior boils down to insecurity, which is entirely understandable in today’s highly critical society—32 percent of Gen Z women fear being judged for their appearance, while 34 percent of Millennial men just don’t think updating photos would make a difference either way VICE.
Evolutionary Perspective: People want to present the most attractive version of themselves to potential mates, and in the digital age, that means curating an enhanced online presence.
Lack of Self-Awareness: Some people genuinely don’t realize the discrepancy between their online presentation and reality.
The Emotional Impact on You
Being kittenfished creates specific emotional responses:
Disappointment: You show up excited to meet someone and immediately realize they’re not what you expected. The letdown is instant and unavoidable.
Feeling Deceived: It’s not necessarily that your date is disappointed in the way you look, it’s more about how you misrepresented yourself—you essentially lied to get to the date, so they’re wondering what else are you hiding from them CBS News.
Anger and Frustration: You’ve invested time, energy, and maybe money into a date with someone who wasn’t honest from the start.
Trust Issues: Authenticity is crucial in developing relationships, and if there’s intentional deception no matter how small, trust can erode before this connection can even start TODAY.com.
Second-Guessing: After being kittenfished, you become suspicious of everyone’s profiles, which makes dating feel exhausting and cynical.
Awkward Encounters: One woman encountered someone calling their parents roommates, someone claiming to be an opera singer who was really a waiter, and most commonly, guys who claim to be 6 feet tall but aren’t CBS News. These moments create immediate awkwardness.
Wasted Time: The time you invested in chatting, building interest, and planning a date feels squandered when the person isn’t who they presented themselves to be.
What To Do If It Happens To You
In the Moment
Stay Composed: You’re not obligated to continue the date, but basic courtesy still applies. Don’t cause a scene or be cruel.
Assess the Severity: Is it minor embellishment (two inches of height, five pounds) or significant deception (looks nothing like their photos, completely different age)?
Give Them a Chance: If you doubt how common kittenfishing is, just look at all the dating profiles out there and compare them to what you have seen in real life—have you been on dates with model after model? Or do you often find yourself thinking during dates, umm, this is not what I was expecting? Psychology Today Sometimes personality can overcome minor physical discrepancies.
Address It Directly: If the date is going reasonably well but you want to acknowledge the elephant in the room: “Your photos were a bit different from how you look now. I appreciate honesty, so going forward let’s both commit to that.”
End It Gracefully: If you feel too misled to continue, you can politely end the date early. “I appreciate you meeting me, but I don’t think we’re a match. Take care.”
After the Date
Don’t Ghost: Even if they kittenfished, common courtesy suggests sending a brief message. “Thanks for meeting up, but I didn’t feel a connection. Best of luck.”
Report If Extreme: Most dating apps allow you to report profiles that use fake or very misleading photos.
Learn From It: Adjust your screening process to catch potential kittenfishing earlier.
Prevention Strategies
Video Call Before Meeting: If you are avoiding FaceTiming or meeting up in person out of fear of not living up to the image of yourself you’ve created online, that’s a sign that you could be kittenfishing Men’s Health. Suggesting a video call weeds out significant kittenfishers.
Look for Multiple Photos: Profiles with only one or two photos, especially from the same angle, are suspicious.
Scrutinize Details: Treat everything you see on a dating app as you would advertising—you wouldn’t trust a product or service until you’ve seen it yourself, would you? Be skeptical of things that seem too perfect and manicured Psychology Today.
Ask Questions: If their profile says they’re into hiking but they can’t name a single trail they’ve done, that’s information.
Check Social Media: If they share their Instagram, does their feed match their dating profile?
How To Avoid Doing This to Others
Honest Self-Assessment: Questions worth asking as you look over your bio include: Are you honest about your drug and drinking habits? Do you accurately portray your education and work role? Did the answers you selected about your political beliefs align with your actual beliefs? NBC News
Use Recent Photos: When creating or updating your dating app profile, ask yourself if your best friend came across your page, would the attributes on there align with who they know you as? Or better yet, ask your friend to honestly review your profile TODAY.com.
Representative Selection: Include photos from different angles and settings. Show your actual body type, not just face shots from strategic angles.
Honest Description: Don’t inflate your height, exaggerate your job title, or claim hobbies you don’t actually do.
Consider the Meeting: Imagine yourself showing up for a date with a potential match—would they recognize you from your photos? Do you look the same in person as you do in the pictures they’ve seen of you? NBC News
Focus on Genuine Strengths: Spend time identifying your true best qualities—what are your strengths? Accomplishments you are proud of? What is it that you and people around you like about you? NBC News
Remember the End Goal: At the end of the day, even the most winning of personalities doesn’t shake the fact that you’re kicking off a potential new relationship with a lie NBC News.
Healthier Alternatives / Green Flags
Authentic dating profiles demonstrate:
- Recent, varied photos: Multiple photos from the past 6-12 months showing you from different angles
- Accurate descriptions: Honest about height, age, job, lifestyle
- Realistic self-presentation: Acknowledging both strengths and quirks
- Unfiltered or minimally filtered photos: Looking like an actual human, not an AI-generated ideal
- Honest about interests: Only listing hobbies you genuinely pursue
- Comfortable with video calls: Willing to FaceTime before meeting
- Matches their social media: Consistency across platforms
- Sets realistic expectations: Doesn’t oversell or overpromise
Red Flags To Watch For
- All photos from same angle or distance
- Heavily filtered photos exclusively
- No full-body photos
- Photos that look professionally edited
- Vague or inflated job descriptions
- Interests that seem curated for appeal rather than genuine
- Resistance to video calling before meeting
- All photos appear to be from formal events (weddings, parties) suggesting they’re old
- Profile details that don’t quite add up
- Generic photos that could be stock images
When To Walk Away
Kittenfishing becomes a dealbreaker when:
- Significant Deception: The discrepancy is major, not minor (completely different appearance, age off by 5+ years)
- Lack of Accountability: When confronted, they deny or minimize rather than acknowledge
- Part of a Pattern: The kittenfishing is accompanied by other dishonest behavior
- Fundamental Values: If authenticity matters deeply to you and they’ve demonstrated they don’t share that value
- Your Gut Says No: If you feel unable to trust them after discovering the deception
- They Double Down: Instead of apologizing, they blame you for caring about physical appearance or details
Dating expert advice: you are so much better off going on three amazing dates with people who are genuinely excited to meet you for who you are than 300 dates with people who you had to kittenfish to get there CBS News.
Final Takeaway
We’d really do well to just embrace ourselves as we are—starting out on apps with deception, even if there was no ill-intention, is not starting a new potential relationship from a place of authenticity. You want to be with someone who loves and accepts you: every part of you Men’s Health. Kittenfishing might get you more first dates, but it sabotages the chance of genuine connection. The right person won’t require an embellished version of you—they’ll appreciate the real thing. And on the receiving end, being kittenfished is frustrating, but it’s also valuable information: this person prioritizes appearances over honesty, and that tells you everything you need to know.