What Is Ghosting?
You’ve been texting someone for weeks, maybe gone on a few dates, and things seem to be going well. Then, suddenly—silence. No explanation, no goodbye, not even a simple “This isn’t working for me.” They’ve vanished into thin air, leaving you checking your phone obsessively and wondering what you did wrong. You’ve just been ghosted.
Quick Definition
Ghosting is the act of abruptly ending all communication with someone without explanation, warning, or closure. The person who ghosts simply disappears from the other person’s life—no texts, calls, or responses—as if the relationship or connection never happened. Merriam-Webster defines it as “to suddenly cut off all contact with someone,” and it can happen in romantic relationships, friendships, or even professional contexts.
What Experts Say
According to research discussed in Psychology Today, ghosting is “an act of conflict avoidance that can leave others devastated.” The article notes that “some psychologists believe ghosting is a form of emotional cruelty and deepens feelings of abandonment and desertion.”
More recent research by Langlais et al. (2024) found that people whose relationship ended in ghosting reported significantly higher anxiety and lower self-esteem than those whose relationships didn’t end that way. Additionally, participants’ heart rates decreased and blood pressure increased following a ghosting experience—showing that the impact goes beyond emotional hurt to actual physiological stress responses.
Origins & Cultural Context
While the concept of someone disappearing from your life isn’t new, the term “ghosting” emerged in the early 2010s, coinciding with the rise of online dating and text-based communication. The word gained mainstream recognition around 2015 and has since become a ubiquitous part of dating vocabulary.
Dating apps have made ghosting both easier and more common. Trish McDermott, a dating coach and founding team member of Match.com, reflects: “Sometimes I feel like I broke dating. Our goals were lofty building Match, and the online dating industry, back in 1995… But even from the early days I cautioned singles not to hide behind the tech we were introducing to behave in ways they would not behave in the real world.”
The digital age has reduced the social consequences of disappearing—you can simply block someone and move on without facing them at work, school, or in your friend group.
Real-Life Signs of Ghosting
- Someone you’ve been regularly communicating with suddenly stops responding to all messages
- Your calls go unanswered and texts turn blue (or stay unread)
- They don’t respond to direct questions about their silence
- They’ve disappeared from all forms of communication simultaneously
- You can see they’re active on social media but ignoring your messages
- Days turn into weeks with no contact or explanation
- If you try multiple channels (text, call, social media), nothing gets a response
- They may have blocked you across platforms
- Previous communication was consistent and engaged, making the silence especially jarring
- You’re left with no clarity about what went wrong or if the connection is over
Why People Do This (Psychology Behind It)
Multiple psychological factors contribute to ghosting behavior:
Conflict Avoidance: Many people ghost because they’re uncomfortable with confrontation. They convince themselves that silence is kinder than an honest conversation, when in reality it’s often more painful for the person being ghosted.
Emotional Immaturity: Some people simply lack the emotional tools to navigate difficult conversations. They’ve never learned how to communicate about uncomfortable feelings or end connections respectfully.
Lack of Accountability: Digital dating culture has reduced social accountability. Neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez explains that because most dating initiates online, “This creates a detachment and a culture in which we feel no responsibility for someone else’s confusion at being ghosted.”
Overwhelm and Avoidant Attachment: For people with avoidant attachment styles, any move toward deeper connection can feel threatening. Ghosting becomes an escape route when things feel too real or too intense.
Keeping Options Open: Some people ghost because they haven’t found someone “better” yet and want to keep their options open without the awkwardness of explaining themselves.
Previous Experience: Psychology Today notes that “being ghosted is often a reason for initiating an act of ghosting on someone else”—the behavior becomes normalized and self-perpetuating.
Simple Selfishness: Sometimes, it’s just easier. The person prioritizes their comfort over another person’s dignity and closure.
The Emotional Impact on You
Ghosting can be psychologically devastating:
Rumination and Obsessive Thinking: The lack of closure triggers intense rumination. Your brain desperately seeks answers, replaying every conversation and moment to figure out what went wrong. This thought loop can become consuming.
Self-Blame and Damaged Self-Esteem: Without explanation, many people turn inward, asking “What’s wrong with me?” This self-blame can erode confidence and self-worth.
Anxiety and Depression: Research shows ghosting significantly increases anxiety levels and can trigger or worsen depression. The uncertainty and rejection hit especially hard because there’s no resolution.
Trust Issues: Being ghosted can make you suspicious and guarded in future relationships. You might struggle to believe people’s interest is genuine or constantly worry about being abandoned again.
Physical Stress Responses: The research by Langlais et al. revealed that ghosting causes measurable physiological effects—decreased heart rate and increased blood pressure—showing how the stress manifests in your body.
Prolonged Grief: Unlike a breakup with closure, ghosting prevents you from properly processing the end of the connection. The ambiguity can extend the grieving process indefinitely.
According to Psychology Today, the confusion and lack of closure from ghosting can trigger self-doubt, and without resolution, “our inner demons (or inner critics) have the opportunity to run amok in the shadows of our headspace.”
What To Do If It Happens To You
Immediate Steps
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, confused, or sad. These are all valid responses to being treated disrespectfully.
Resist the Urge to Over-Pursue: Sending multiple messages or trying different platforms can feel desperate and ultimately won’t give you the answers you need. Send one final message if you need to, then step back.
Give It a Defined Timeline: If someone hasn’t responded in a week, they’re likely not going to. Don’t leave yourself in indefinite limbo.
Communication Options
Send One Clear, Dignified Message: If you need closure, send one final message: “I haven’t heard from you and I’m taking your silence as an answer. I wish you’d communicated directly, but I’m moving forward.” Then, actually move forward.
Don’t Demand Explanations: While you deserve one, chasing an explanation from someone who’s ghosted you rarely brings satisfaction.
Resist Anger-Driven Messages: It’s tempting to send an angry text, but you’ll likely regret it later. Take the high road.
Boundary-Setting
Block or Mute Them: Protect your peace. If seeing their social media activity hurts, block them. You don’t owe someone who ghosted you any access to your life.
Don’t Accept “Zombie” Behavior: If they resurface weeks or months later with a casual “Hey,” you’re not obligated to respond. If you do engage, set clear boundaries about what’s acceptable.
Self-Care
Talk to Trusted Friends: Share what happened. Having someone validate your feelings and remind you that the ghosting says more about the other person than about you can be healing.
Journal Your Feelings: Writing can help process the confusion and hurt.
Limit Social Media Stalking: It’s natural to check their profiles, but it prolongs your pain. Mute or unfollow them.
Engage in Activities That Boost Your Self-Worth: Spend time with people who value you, pursue hobbies you enjoy, and remind yourself of your worth outside of this one person’s opinion.
Long-Term Dating Strategies
Look for Green Flags Early: Pay attention to how people communicate. Do they respond consistently? Are they direct and honest?
Don’t Invest Too Quickly: While staying open, pace yourself emotionally until someone has shown they’re consistent and reliable.
Trust Your Gut: If something feels off early on, it probably is.
How To Avoid Doing This to Others
If you’re tempted to ghost someone:
Remember the Golden Rule: How would you want to be treated? Even a brief, honest message is better than silence.
Use Simple Scripts: You don’t need a lengthy explanation. “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t think we’re a match” or “I’m not in a place to continue dating right now” is sufficient.
Don’t Make It About Them: Keep it about your own needs and feelings rather than their flaws.
Recognize It’s About Courage, Not Kindness: Ghosting isn’t “the kind thing to do.” Having a difficult conversation takes courage, but it’s the respectful choice.
Challenge Your Discomfort: If confrontation scares you, that’s something to work on—not avoid by disappearing on people.
Healthier Alternatives / Green Flags
Look for these signs of emotionally mature dating behavior:
- Direct Communication: Someone who can say “I’m not feeling a romantic connection” or “I don’t think this is working for me”
- Timely Responses: Even if they’re busy, they let you know and follow up
- Consistency: Their communication pattern is steady, not erratic
- Honesty About Feelings: They share when something’s bothering them rather than withdrawing
- Respect for Your Time: They value your investment and don’t leave you hanging
- Emotional Availability: They’re present in conversations and show genuine interest
- Accountability: If they make a mistake, they acknowledge it rather than disappearing
The Gottman Institute emphasizes that turning toward “bids for connection”—the everyday actions your partner takes to ask for attention and love—builds emotional trust, while ignoring bids leads to more conflict. Ghosting is the ultimate form of ignoring bids for connection.
Short Case Study
Elena met Marcus on a dating app, and after three weeks of daily texting and two wonderful dates, she felt genuinely hopeful. They’d made plans for a third date on Saturday. Friday afternoon, Marcus stopped responding mid-conversation. Elena sent a follow-up text Saturday morning asking if they were still on, but got no reply. She checked social media and saw he’d been active. After four days of silence, she sent one final message: “I’m disappointed you couldn’t just be honest that you weren’t interested. I deserved better than silence.” She never heard back, but writing that message helped her process and move forward. Six months later, Marcus sent a “Hey, sorry I disappeared” text. Elena didn’t respond—she’d already closed that door.
Red Flags To Watch For
- Inconsistent communication patterns early on (very engaged, then suddenly distant)
- Avoiding making concrete plans
- Vague about their availability or life details
- History of “complicated” past relationships that ended mysteriously
- Seems uncomfortable with any conversation about feelings or the future
- Only reaches out on their terms
- Disappears for days then returns with weak excuses
- Has ghosted people in their life before (they might normalize this behavior)
When To Walk Away
You should consider someone a ghost and move on when:
- A week has passed with no response after regular communication
- They’ve clearly seen your message (read receipts) but haven’t replied
- You’ve sent a follow-up and still nothing
- You can see they’re active on social media but ignoring you
- Any attempt to reach out feels like you’re chasing someone who doesn’t want to be found
- The situation is causing you significant distress
- You realize you’re making excuses for their silence
Final Takeaway
Ghosting says everything about the person doing it and nothing about your worth. While the silence leaves you with questions, the real answer is simple: someone who respects you will communicate with you, even when it’s uncomfortable. Don’t let ghosting dim your light or make you afraid to be open in future connections—the right people will stay and communicate honestly.